Noah, Cassidy and a Wedding
by barsonaddict
Summary: Spoilers for Season 17 episode, Community Policing. Set loosely after that episode.


Rafael Barba is getting impatient. He's been waiting in Olivia's office for twenty minutes, and she's still not back.

They didn't have a meeting time set, just 'sometime after court' but she rarely goes far from the office on her paperwork days, so he figured he'd drop by when he finished in court and go over testimony for the next SVU case he's preparing.

Now he's regretting not stopping for something to eat on the way over; he actually thought they might pop out together to satisfy the sushi craving he's been having lately.

He misses their working lunches; it's been months now that they've been basically avoiding each other. He's reached his breaking point.

His plans were thwarted when he arrived in the squad room to find the rest of the squad diligently working away, but no Liv in her office.

"She's out for lunch. Should be back anytime, Counselor," Fin said, eyes still on his laptop screen.

"Thank you, Detective. I'll just wait then," Rafael answered, then headed in to sit on the couch and answer the emails he knew would be waiting after a morning neglecting them.

Finally he hears the clicking of her heels crossing the squad room, and he looks out the window behind him just in time to catch a glimpse of someone he thought was ancient history.

His mood instantly darkens, and he can't help but ask as soon as she steps into the office, "What the hell is Cassidy doing here?"

Olivia, seemingly unaffected by his outburst calmly answers, "We had lunch." Then, rolling her eyes as she hangs up her coat adds, "He insisted on walking me up."

Barba is shocked. He had no idea they even kept in touch after the breakup. Had they gotten back together? Were they lobsters?

At that thought, Rafael shakes his head, he has got to stop watching 'Friends' when he can't sleep.

He doesn't realize how long it's been until Olivia calls his name and he looks up- she's sitting behind her desk and has her case files open, apparently just waiting for him to join her.

"Sorry. I...I didn't realize you guys did that. Went out for lunch, I mean," he says, stuttering and still frozen on the couch.

His stomach drops at her reply.

"Well I'm sure there's lots of things we don't know about each other, Barba. So- you ready to prep?" she sounds completely normal; maybe he hadn't just discovered a secret romance.

"Uh...yeah," he says hesitantly, slowly standing up and moving over to her desk.

"You alright? You look a little pale," Olivia says, looking him over like he's about to vomit at any moment.

"I'm fine," he replies, determined to actually be fine, and put Cassidy out of his mind.

They go over the necessary files, and manage to wrap up just before Barba needs to be at the courthouse for a late arraignment.

He rushes out of her office, not noticing the file left behind.

When he finally gets back to his own office, it's almost six o'clock and he is starving. After ordering delivery rather than venture out into the cold more than necessary, he digs through his briefcase for the witness statements he needs before realizing they aren't there.

Groaning out loud, he calls Olivia, knowing he must have left them in her office- they were discussing them earlier that afternoon.

When the line picks up he frowns at the male voice on the other end saying, "Lieutenant Benson's phone."

Rafael pauses. "May I speak with Lieutenant Benson please?"

"She's not available right now, Barba. Do you wanna leave a message?"

"What do you mean, she's not available?"

"I mean, she's not available. As in, she can't come to the phone right now."

"Yeah, I got that. Why are you answering her phone? She has voicemail you know," Rafael is really annoyed, not only because he has to talk to Cassidy, but that he's there at all- seemingly comfortable enough to answer his (presumably) ex-girlfriend's phone.

"She's with Noah, if you must know."

He pauses, then finally figures he has no other option. "Just ask her to call me back please, it's about the case we are prepping."

"Sure, Barba. Later."

Cassidy unceremoniously hangs up the phone.

Rafael lets out a frustrated noise and throws his phone onto his desk.

He cancels his food order, he'll just grab something on the way to Liv's office.

He's annoyed, and in a bad mood. This day just keeps getting worse. Why the hell was Cassidy back all of a sudden?

Or was it not all of a sudden, and he just didn't know it? He and Liv hadn't exactly been spending a lot of time together lately. Things were strained, to say the least. After the grand jury indicted those cops for manslaughter, they barely communicated for work let alone anything more.

Not that he expected Olivia to be living like a nun, but did she really have to choose Cassidy? Again? What the hell is so special about him that he's managed to get Olivia Benson not once, not twice, but a possible three times? And why was it making him so angry?

This line of thinking is just putting him in a worse mood, so he tries to think of something, anything else as he walks along the streets of Manhattan, looking for somewhere to eat while he waits for Olivia to return his call.

He's halfway through his breakfast-for-dinner of pancakes and bacon when his phone finally starts buzzing.

Swallowing quickly, he checks the display, and answers, "Lieutenant, I see you got my message."

"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that. Someone-" there's a pause where she turns to glare at the man next to her, "promises to let my voicemail do it's job next time."

Rafael hears a muffled, 'Oof' and groaning and smiles, picturing her elbowing Cassidy in the ribs. Then immediately scowls again at the thought that Cassidy is close enough to Liv to get elbowed. He hasn't been that close to her in months. Not that he's noticed or anything.

"So what's up?"

Rafael gathers himself and takes a moment before answering. "Uh- I left a file in your office this afternoon, and I need it tonight. Can you have someone at the precinct let me in so I can grab it?"

"Shit. No."

"Excuse me?" he's frankly offended that she won't let him into her office unattended.

"Don't be an ass, Barba. It's not there. I saw it when I was gathering my files, and put it in my briefcase. I was going to drop it with Carmen on my way home because you were still at the courthouse, but I got distracted and forgot."

He can't hold back the frustrated sigh and annoyed groan.

"Gee, Counselor, thanks for your understanding," the sarcasm is dripping off her words.

"I just- never mind. Can I drop by your place and get it? It has the witness statements for the Morningside case."

She hesitates a moment too long. "I can drop it off at your office in the morning on my way in."

He sighs again. "I really need it tonight. That motions hearing is at 9am and I need to go over the information again." He pauses and tentatively adds, "Sorry I'm interrupting your date."

It's Liv's turn to sigh. "You're not interrupting anything. Text me when you get here."

Rafael thanks her, and hangs up. He pushes away his plate, suddenly not hungry.

He doesn't want to admit it, but he's jealous. Of someone he thinks is an idiot. It's confusing.

He wants to stop pretending. He wants to be part of dinners and evenings at the Benson household.

He wants to be the one getting elbowed for annoying Olivia Benson.

But it's not going to happen. Even if Cassidy isn't in the picture romantically, Rafael just can't imagine Olivia wanting to be with him. He's nothing like Brian Cassidy, and clearly the man has something that draws Olivia to him.

Barba's always thought he and Olivia worked well together, and were decent friends, and of course he couldn't think of anything more perfect than spending a sunny afternoon in Central Park running around after Noah. The sun gleaming off Olivia's hair, but paling in comparison to her smile when he whispers in her ear...

Rafael shakes his head, willing the vision away. "Never gonna happen, Barba. Accept it," he mutters under his breath, standing and making his way to the counter to pay for his meal.

Barba waves to the doorman and stops in the lobby to text Olivia, letting her know he arrived.

He waits a minute, checking his email to see if anything new came in since he got out of the cab moments before.

She replies, instructing him to come right up, and he takes the stairs- wanting to work off some nervous energy.

When he approaches her apartment, the door opens and she motions for him to enter. He stops on the threshold, hesitating.

"Come on, Barba," she gives him an exasperated look. "You don't have to stand in the hallway."

He looks skeptical. "I really just need that file, Olivia. I don't want to interrupt your evening more than I already have."

She shakes her head at him, with a small smile. "I told you, you weren't interrupting anything. Besides, there's someone who's been asking to see you."

Now Rafael is completely confused, why the hell would Cassidy want to see him?

Olivia has turned and gone into the apartment, leaving the door open so he has no choice but to follow. He tries to close the door quietly, not wanting to disturb Noah, whom he assumes is in bed.

When he gets into the apartment's living area, briefcase in hand and overcoat still on, he realizes that Noah is in fact still awake. And currently dressed in a tiny suit sans blazer, remarkably similar to the one Rafael himself is wearing presently.

Light grey pants, a crisp white shirt, mint green suspenders visible beneath the unbuttoned waistcoat, and finished off with a tiny mint green tie.

Olivia finishes tying the laces on a pair of black Oxford-style shoes and sits back on her heels, saying, "There, Noah. Everything fits! Let's take it off now, before it gets ruined."

"No, Mama!" Noah is shaking his head and backs away from her. "No take off. Be han'some like Rafa."

She can't say no to that face, especially dressed like this. He's going to steal the bride's thunder for sure.

Rafael smiles at Noah's comment, blushing slightly at Olivia's response of, "You're always handsome like Rafael, baby, you don't need these clothes for that."

Rafael clears his throat. "Hey, Noah. Long time no see, buddy."

"I got new clothes, see? I gotsa very 'portant job." The little boy is beaming, clearly very impressed with himself.

"Oh? What's your new important job? You gonna be a lawyer like me?" he says it to get a laugh out of Liv, but she's too busy taking pictures of her son to pay attention to their conversation.

"No, Silly Rafa! Noh be a bear!"

"A ring-bearer, Noah. You're going to be a ring-bearer in the wedding," Liv corrects absently, not the first time she's had to clarify this, apparently.

Her words knock the wind out of Rafael's chest, and suddenly he think he might pass out.

Ring bearer? Wedding?

He feels himself being pushed down onto the couch, and a glass of water placed in his hand. The next thing he's aware of is Olivia's voice, demanding he take a drink.

It's the sound of Noah's tiny voice saying, "Rafa go sleep?" that knocks him back into reality.

He shakes his head and drains the glass of water, muttering a thank you and moving to get up and out of there as soon as possible. He needs to hold on to some dignity.

Olivia laughs darkly, "Oh no, mister. You are not going anywhere." A firm but gentle hand on his shoulder holds him in place. "I am going to put this one to bed, then we are going to talk. Sit here and rest. If you aren't here when I come back in ten minutes, you won't get your file."

Throwing another concerned look at him over her shoulder, she walks off with Noah in her arms calling, "Night, night, Rafa!"

He manages a small smile back at the sharply dressed toddler, waves and says, "Goodnight, Noah."

Once the bedroom door closes behind them, Rafael slumps back into the cushions with a big sigh. He closes his eyes to ward off the migraine he can feel brewing, and tries to psych himself up for the conversation he knows is coming.

It feels like no time has passed at all when he feels a light touch on his knee and flinches.

"Sorry," Olivia has perched herself on the coffee table directly in front of him, their knees almost touching when he sits up. "You didn't hear me. Again. Is everything alright, Rafael? You're..." she trails off pensively.

"What?" He replies sharply.

"You're not yourself, Barba. Case in point," she indicates his defensive posture and harsh tone.

It immediately deflates his anger.

"I'm sorry. I just, I haven't been sleeping well."

It's a lie that she sees through, but makes a joke regardless. "Who has? I certainly haven't slept through the night for the past three or four decades, give or take."

Rafael gives her a strained smile.

She shocks him when she reaches out and takes one of his hands in hers. "Please, be honest with me. I know we haven't been very close the last few months, but I hope that we can put it behind us. I need you to know that I'll always be here, okay?" At his stiff nod she continues, "Are you...sick?"

He's thrown at the change of subject. "Sick? No, Olivia I'm fine."

She huffs out a frustrated breath and stands, starting to pace the small living room. "You are not fine! You're zoning out of conversations, forgetting files, hell- you almost passed out in front of Noah! If you haven't gone to a doctor yet, you need to make an appointment now."

"Olivia-"

"And that's another thing! You never call me Olivia! It's either Lieutenant or Liv. Nothing else." She pauses, then practically whispers, "Are you dying, Barba?"

"Liv, please. I'm not dying, I'm not sick, and I don't need to go to the doctor. I've been zoning out today because, because..." he trails off, willing himself to say the words, "because I don't think you should marry Cassidy."

She abruptly stops pacing and stares at him, mouth wide open.

"I'm just going to say this once, and then I promise I'll be supportive and happy and everything else a friend should be. There's a reason you broke up. You wanted different things. You told me yourself that he wasn't ready to be a parent and you couldn't sacrifice your dream of having a child for him. There are other men out there; men who would give anything to raise a child with you, especially one as great as Noah."

He falls silent, and after a full minute of her just staring at him he feels the need to break the silence.

"So, negativity over. Noah looked adorable in his outfit- is mint your wedding colour?"

She starts shaking her head in disbelief, but Barba takes it as an answer to his question.

"Oh, I just assumed because of the tie. What did you go wi-" he cuts himself off when Olivia puts one hand up to stop him.

"Hold on. Where the hell did you get the idea I'm marrying Cassidy? Where did you even get the idea I'm idating/i Cassidy?"

He gives her a look, one that tries to say 'I'm smarter than you think'.

"You were out with him at lunch, then he answers your phone after work- clearly there's something going on. Noah's going to be a ring bearer... you don't need to sugarcoat it. I told you, I'm gonna be happy for you." He sits hunched forward, head down and sneaking glances up at her every few seconds.

"First of all, let me be clear: I am not marrying Cassidy. I'm not marrying anyone! Munch is the one getting married. Fifth time's the charm, apparently. His fiancé has a grand daughter the same age as Noah and is the flower girl. He asked if Noah would be the ring bearer."

She pauses to allow the information to sink in, and give him a chance to say something, but he remains quiet. "Do you know how I met Cassidy a million years ago?"

Rafael just shakes his head in response.

"He was Munch's partner when I started in SVU. They've been friends for almost twenty years; Cassidy is the best man. Which means running around and doing everything John was supposed to do but left to the last minute. Like delivering Noah's suit. That's why he was here tonight.

"Brian said Munch was really touched by the speech I made at his retirement party and asked if I had time to help him out with his toast. We had lunch today so I could go over it with him- the wedding is in three days.

"We aren't dating- though we have remained in touch since we broke up. Nothing romantic, just two people who went through some very difficult times together not wanting to cut each other out of their lives completely. Sometimes I still have nightmares, he's good at talking about nothing for hours to keep my mind out of the beach house."

She stops for a moment, remembering the long nights spent on the couch, either cuddled up with Brian, or if he was working, her phone, listening to stories of his wayward youth growing up on Long Island.

Returning her attention to the man in front of her, she continues, "I don't know why you two got off on the wrong foot- but whatever it was, you have to remember- Brian Cassidy has always been there for me, even when I treated him like shit. He's not always the asshole he likes people to think he is. Kind of like someone else I know," she finishes with a smile.

Rafael finally raises his eyes to fully meet hers, surprised by the fond look she's giving him.

"What?" he's uncomfortable under her scrutiny, and shifts in his seat as she moves around the coffee table to sit next to him on the couch.

"I've missed you. So has Noah. And I know it's my fault- I want to apologize. I was so mad about the grand jury's decision, and I took it out on you. You didn't deserve to be the bad guy here."

Rafael doesn't know what to say- he knows he didn't do anything wrong, he was put in a bad position but ultimately believes he's doing the right thing.

"I really don't have the energy to get into that tonight, Liv."

She nods and agrees. "Me either. I just want you to know I'm sorry and I want to fix our relation- friendship. I consider you one of my closest friends, I want things to go back the way they were before all this."

This time it's Rafael who reaches a hand out, squeezing hers briefly.

"I've missed you too, and Noah. But I don't think we can go back, Liv. I don't want to go back." At his words her stomach sinks and she tries to pull her hand away.

He holds tight, though, and whispers for her to look at him.

"I didn't realize until I thought you were back with him, but my biggest problem with Cassidy is that I'm jealous of him. Which is absolutely ridiculous because he's a moron."

She scoffs and takes a breath to defend her ex boyfriend, but he raises his hand in a 'stop' motion and keeps talking.

"I know, you just said how wonderful he is, but it's true. He let you slip through his fingers not once, but twice! The man is beyond help. And you can say you wanted different things all you want- the bottom line is: how could he not want everything with you?"

She opens her mouth to answer, but he cuts her off again.

"That question was rhetorical. What I'm trying to say here, is that I want everything with you. That's why I don't want to go back. I don't want to just be your friend. I want more. I want to give you more.

"This isn't something new for me. I've wanted to be with you for awhile but was too afraid if it didn't work out or you didn't feel the same way that I'd lose you as a friend. I didn't want that. I didn't want to take the risk.

"Then after the Reynolds case went to the grand jury, you froze me out. We've barely spoken in months. And yes, I've missed you terribly, but it's reminded me that friends break up too. And if that was the only thing holding me back- I might as well go for it. 'Cause at this point I have nothing to lose."

He's searching her eyes, still holding her hand tightly. Despite years of clear unspoken communication between them, he has no idea what's going through her mind.

"Liv?" he prompts, trying to get her to say something. Anything.

"You want more?"

He nods, not breaking eye contact.

She's been searching his eyes as well, and sees the truth of his words echoed in his brilliant green eyes.

"I feel the same way. I want more with you too, but- God, why are we discussing so many of my exes tonight?- if we do this, we can't...I don't think we can work together anymore. I tried to make it work with an ADA- David Hayden- a few years ago, but we didn't handle it properly. There was a discovery of a wrongful conviction in one of my cases, he was in charge of the inquiry-"

Rafael interjects stiffly, "I remember. It was just before the scandal at the DAs office that cleared out half of the ADAs. It's what opened a position for me to transfer to Manhattan."

"So you know why we have to be careful about this. I- fuck, I've worked too hard to throw away my career-"

"Liv! I'm not asking you to throw away your career- I have enjoyed working with SVU but it's draining and honestly I don't care about transferring. I care about you."

She nods, swallowing back tears. "That's what he said too. And then a few months later he's offered a promotion and I'm left pretending it never happened..."

He's overcome with anger at these men- for not taking care of this woman's heart. He reaches out and pulls her into an embrace, murmuring into her hair, "Olivia Benson, you deserve so much more. I can't make up for their mistakes, all I can do is show you I'm different."

"I don't want anything to change," she whispers.

He shakes his head. "It's already changed, Liv. We have two options here: rebuild a friendship and working relationship that may or may not be like one we had prior to the summer; or take a leap of faith and try something new. I'll explore my options within the DAs office for transfers or move into the private sector."

"You'd do that for me?" Her tiny voice reinforced how shitty the men in her life have been. He pulls back, tucking her hair behind her ears.

"No, Liv. I'd be doing it for me. You don't seem to understand that I want more than a fling, or a fuckbuddy. I want to spend evenings and weekends with you and Noah, holidays, everydays. I've never had the desire the settle down like this before. I don't wanna date you- that's what you do when you're getting to know someone.

"We already know each other. The only things we don't know are sexual and come on- there's no way that's not gonna work."

They share a smirk, and she blushes, nodding.

"If we do this, it won't be casual. I'm not going to hold back. And I'm going to want to be involved in Noah's life, too. I know you're a package and I swear to you I will be the best role model I can."

"No, if we try this, you are not going to be just a role model. You take me on, you take him on, too. I'm not saying he has to call you Daddy or anything, but you will be a big part of his life, simply by being here. That is a big responsibility and I need you to understand that."

"I didn't want to be presumptuous; you don't know how happy that would make me. Noah's an amazing kid. I would be honored to be in his life like that."

They pause their conversation and just look at each other; both feeling a little shocked that they're actually discussing this.

Olivia reaches over to take Rafael's hand. "So, we're really gonna do this?"

He swallows hard and nods. "Yeah. We are. Um... Can I kiss you now?"

She laughs lightly, a smile stretching wide across her face. "Yeah, I think that's a good idea."

When he doesn't move for several seconds, she takes control and pulls him closer by the hand she's still holding. "C'mere, already," she murmurs, and he smiles and reaches up to cup her cheek.

"So bossy," he whispers, but she can't reply because then his lips are on hers, and he's kissing her like she's the most precious thing he's ever encountered.

He deepens the kiss, and she lets go of his hand to wrap her arms around his neck, stroking the nape. He shivers at her touch, and pulls away to place tiny kisses along her jaw.

When he reaches her ear, he whispers, "I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I have to go."

She shakes her head, and cups the back of his neck, pulling him into another kiss. When they part, both struggling for air, she presses her nose into his neck, moaning softly when his scent assaults her senses.

"Liv... Dios mio... " he trails off, distracted by her. Forgetting why he was trying to stop this, he tilts his head to catch her lips again. He can't get enough of her taste.

They stay tangled up in each other for several minutes, and when they finally pull back, both are breathing heavily.

"That was," she says, then pauses.

"Wow," he finishes her sentence, and both lean in to share a final, lingering kiss.

He pulls her into an embrace, and murmurs into her hair, "I really do need to go. I have hours of prep to do to be ready for court in the morning."

Not letting him go, she answers, "It's after nine- when are you going to sleep?"

He squeezes her gently. "You worried about me, Lieutenant?"

She tightens her hold on his waist. "Always."

He smiles at her admission. "I'm pretty sure I get more sleep than you, between the precinct and Noah, but I appreciate your concern."

After a moment Liv steps back and reluctantly lets go of him to rummage through her bag for the file.

He takes the proffered file, and smirks as he places it in his briefcase.

"What's that look for?"

He shrugs. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you planned this."

She laughs. "I don't think anyone could plan this, Barba."

He shoots her a sideways glance. "You just had your tongue in my mouth. I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to call me Barba after that."

She laughs again, harder. "I'll keep that in mind. Rafael." She grabs his hand and walks him to the door.

Rafael leans in to kiss her goodbye. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Mmmhmm," is all she can manage with the way her head is spinning.

"Olivia Benson speechless? That's gotta be a record."

"You're really good at that," she says, blushing.

He leans in for one last peck. "Goodnight."

She leans against the doorframe, and replies, "It certainly has been."

It's his turn to blush. "Bye, Liv."

"Bye, Raf."

He walks down the hallway, unable to contain the beaming smile that has taken over his face.

In fact, he gets questioned by everyone from his doorman to his assistant; even his mother notices his good mood over the next few weeks.

He decides to announce his resignation from the DAs office by striding into the precinct and kissing his girlfriend senseless in front of the squad.

The shocked silence was definitely worth the elbow to the ribs from Liv. It's what he wanted, after all.


End file.
